6/29 POLL OF THE DAY

I know I went MIA this weekend but it was a busy weekend full of light beers and mixed cocktails and not much writing or poll creating. Oh well you'll live (@ Logan), It's Monday, start of a short work week, and were all counting down to America's birthday this weekend to do it all over again. That being said there were hangovers this weekend and there will be more to follow in the next. It is important to get ahead of the hangover so it does not ravage your Sunday or worst case scenario, turn into the treaded two day hanger. There are plenty of remedies that help curb those bad boys and knock them clean out of your system and we're going to vote on your favorite today.

What is the best hangover remedy?

32 OZ.  GATORADE / POWERADE - This is not about a sports drink debate so pick your poison. After a night of filling you body with liquids that deplete your electrolytes you it is important to replenish those with cool and refreshing sports drink. Save the flavor debate for another, this ones all about replenishing the soul.

BIG GREASY MEAL - Again, not here to debate if it's a Big Mac or a Whopper or if you're really going to indulge and buy a Five Guys and Fries. This is about doing anything to alleviate the fact that bright light makes you blind and get rid of the tremble in your knees. Gotta be careful with this one so it does not turn into a poop emergency because it can and will in a hurry.

WATER - An option that would make Bobby Boucher happy. Just unloading a gallon of water right to the troat and slugging it down faster than the white girls slug seltzer's at the beach on an 85 degree summer day. Can't drink it too fast or it will come right back out, baby sips only.

DRINKING MORE - They say the best detox is a re-tox. Heading to brunch and ordering unlimited Mimosa's or Bloody's to get ahead of the serious part of the hangover might be your best bet. Just make sure you get that post brunch nap in in order to truly beat the worst part and sleep it off. 

There we have it, let's come together as a society to truly determine the best remedy so we may continue to party on. VOTE BELOW

they're baaaaaaaack. poll of the day after taking the weekend off

what is the best hangover remedy?https://t.co/wEXfjUzD10

— jik b (@_bigbritt) June 29, 2020

Shoutout To Bears Fans For Gaining Self Awareness:

I was scrolling through Twitter after a long day of golf with my old man, and I came across this on twitter: https://twitter.com/BigBearsGuy/status/1277001993496809472

As a Diehard Lions fan, I have to admit I was quite triggered. While many will wonder if it's low hanging fruit, it made me realize that Bears fans have accepted their place in the cellar of the division with us. While many people might point out that the Bears have only gone 3-9 against Matthew Stafford since 2013, and that the Lions have more playoff appearances in the last decade than the Bears, I would never besmirch a fallen rival like that. 

Imagine how hard it is already to be a Bears fan, and coming to the realization that that they have the same amount of doinks on Cody Parkey's game winning field goal attempt against the Eagles as wins against a healthy Aaron Rodgers since the 2010 NFC Championship Game. (Two doinks to Two wins).

I would never make fun of the Bears for trying to assert dominance over the long running cellar dweller of the division, as that would be rude of me. I would never make fun of the Bears for drafting Mitchell Trubisky second overall over NFL MVP Patrick Mahomes and Deshaun Watson, as that would also be very rude and ugly to do. 

Instead, I welcome the Bears for coming to the realization that you can only hang your hat on only winning one Super Bowl with Walter Payton and the greatest defense of all time for so long, before people realize that you're essentially the Tampa Bay Buccaneers with better uniforms and worse quarterback play.  Welcome to the cellar fellas, and thank you for finally coming to the realization that you'll never be held in the same regards as Green Bay and joining us in a cockfight at the bottom. When you're a moribund franchise like the Bears, you need to take every close victory you can over elite QBs like Jeff Driskel and David Blough. 

So don't mind me, I'm just the triggered Lions fan that's actually seen his team beat an Aaron Rodgers led Green Bay multiple times in the same season, something that literally no Bears fan has ever been able to say. But to our new rivals, while the division may be out of reach for us, we can still root against good franchises like the Green Bay Packers. 

"Player Health Matters, But So Do Dollars" - Adam Silver

In wake of recent COVID-19 surges across the country, specifically in Florida where the NBA restart is scheduled to occur, Adam Silver held a conference call to discuss the leagues return to play policy and if there were any growing concerns regarding the restart. Unfortunately, I was not able to get on the call, as I am not credentialed and this blog is not big enough for the NBA (or anyone) to recognize it's existence. Fortunately, for someone like myself, I am very well connected in the media and have lots of friends that were able to get me looped into the call through some back channeling and secret deals. Once the call was concluded I was able to use my boyish charm and sweet good looks to get Mr. Silver to stay on the line for a 1 on 1 interview with me. I said it was off the record but here I am recording it; good thing I didn't have credentials anyways.

"Mr. Silver thanks for joining me today, I just wanted to start off by asking straight up, is there a real risk that the season may have to be canceled?" - Jake

"Please Heywood (I was going by my alias, Heywood Jablome) call me Adam. While we have seen a large uptick in cases of COVID-19 in Florida, we are still planning to move forward with our July 30th start date. We feel we have strong safety measures to make the restart as safe as possible for the players and personnel involved." - AS

I then went on to ask what exact measures the league was going to take, just outside of the players being locked in a bubble away from human civilizations for potentially up to 3 months. 

"Thanks Heywood, what a great and well thought out question. To start we will be testing every other day and conducting anti-body tests every 2 weeks. In addition to this, if a player was to test positive they will need to quarantine for 14 days and will not be cleared to play again until they test negative twice. This will work out great because these guys definitely ARE NOT confined to a bubble and showering together daily. Finally, we will mandating that each player and member of team personnel wear a "smart ring". This ring will be able to detect temperature, sleeping pattern, breathing rate, etc. We hope that these will help up recognize players that may be at risk to testing positive up to three days in advance. They were definitely not recommended by Daryl Morey to track if James Harden is going to the strip club. The last thing we want to do is track and control our players whereabouts and behavior. *wink*" - AS

Trevor Ariza, Avery Bradley, and Davis Bertans have come out and said recently that they will not be joining their teams in the bubble; and we assume more players will be following their lead soon. I asked Adam if there is a concern about more players deciding not to play.

"No there really isn't. I truly feel that players will be deterred from not playing due to fear of getting chastised by Kendrick Perkins on 'Get Up'. Silver would go on to say, "Look, I understand players not wanting to play but if they don't LeBron told me that they 100% would not be invited on the banana boat ever in their lives. That is a valid enough threat to bring the good players back to the floor in my opinion."

It was at this point Adam told me he soon would have to hop off to wax his head for an appearance on ESPN, but he had time for one more question. I asked what he would tell the critics that felt that the season was being rushed or forced in a time where the current pandemic does not seem to be under control.

"I would tell them that obviously the players health matters, but so do the dollars in everyones pockets. I don't mean the millions it would make the owners and the league and our TV networks; but also the players. So while it may seem forced to get the league back on the floor, at the end of the day we are just trying to get as much out of this season, not only in terms of finances, but also to crown a champion and complete the season as legitimately as possible ... but also make more money."

It will be interesting to see how the league responds to the uptick in cases, there is still a month to tell but I know Adam Silver (and the bank accounts) seem excited to get the ball rolling.

6/26 POLL OF THE DAY

a poll inspired by the great bagel vs. croissant battle of 2020 from @TylerIAm yesterday.

what is the most elite breakfast bread?https://t.co/jTg6OqyebE

— jike b (@_bigbritt) June 25, 2020

Not as close of a battle as I thought with bagel being the runaway favorite. I think biscuits got so disrespected that it's not even funny. Biscuits are elite and need more RESPEK. 

Moving on to today, it's a shitty, gross, and rainy day out today. I've spent the last few days outside and enjoying the sun but it's always nice to sprinkle in a summer rainy day to mentally and physically recover. Rainy days are great for a lot of reason's and you're going to vote on those today. 

What is the best rainy day activity?

NETFLIX AND CHILL - No not that kind of chill you sick fucks. I mean literally getting yourself wrapped in a blanket and sitting in your cool basement and binging your favorite show for 13 straight hours.

COOK A NICE MEAL - Take the time that you would be spending outside and exploring to make a nice meal and try to make it not taste like absolute shit. That way you can eat a good meal AND wallow in your sorrows.

SLEEP ALL DAY - Just taking a big fat 6 hour nap. Never turning a light on and just slumping all day. Bonus points if it's a Sunday and the Sunday Scarie's are what wakes you up. Then having the scaries haunt you so bad you can't sleep until 2 am before work.

VIDEO GAMES / BOARD GAMES - Games are a fun and entertaining way to get the competitive juices out. I lumped video and board together because they're both games and serve the same purpose; whoop the competitions ass.

Get your votes in and let your voice be heard!

u know what time it is

what is the best rainy day activity?https://t.co/BvT2kOBZ6W

— jike b (@_bigbritt) June 26, 2020

5 Rule Changes that can Bring the Fans Back to MLB

It's been known for a few days that baseball finally returning after a long and painstaking negotiation process that would make the Michael Scott Paper Company proud. With players set to return to camp July 1st and games set to resume in late July, baseball is moving quickly to a restart. I was about -3 years old in 1994 when the players went on strike so I don't truly understand the magnitude of what happened then; but what I do know is baseball lost a shit ton of fans and were really reeling until Sammy Sosa saved baseball. It looked as if baseball staring down the same barrel of the same gun again in terms of losing fans, and it appears they still may have lost some in this utterly ridiculous negotiation process, that's where I come in. 

Mr. Manfred I'm here to help out this great game we all love so much, I have five proposed rule changes that could bring the old fans back and grow the game to levels we haven't seen since sac bunting was cool.

1. Three words, trampoline pitchers mound. None of this little bump in the middle of the diamond shit anymore. Pitchers now get to wear gym shoes and run out to the bump to pitch from the trampoline. Imagine all the cool flips and shit we would get to see pitcher do to get the ball out. Upside down curveballs, rising splitters, I mean come on who wouldn't want to see that?

2. Aluminum bats; and I'm not talking the BBCOR shit they have now either. We're busting out the old DeMarini Voodoo drop 7's. If they pitchers get the advantage of being able to do flips and throw backwards curveballs, hitters get to hit the ball a country mile if they get a hold of one. There won't be the risk of hurting fans since they won't be allowed at the games anyways. It'd be even better with cardboard cutouts. Imagine Pete Alonso ripping a ball foul and just demolishing a cardboard cutout down the left field line, how fun is that? More cool pitches and 700 ft. dingers is a strong start to bringing this sport back from the dead.

3. What do Americans love more than big macs and freedom? Violence, that's why I'll be implementing kick ball style outs. Think you'll have a better shot getting the baserunner out by drilling him with the ball rather than the old fashioned way, whip that thing right at him, below the noggin of course. This could also become a strong outlet for anger as it allows position players a chance to unload on the opponent, with benches clearing brawls strictly prohibited due to social distancing measures, this could be the best way to unload some pent up testosterone.

4. Allow steroid. Please. Please just let these guys get all pumped up with the good stuff. Steroids + Aluminum bats = DONG SHOW. That's why people pay the money to get in. Gate price is solely based on dingers. We don't pay to see singles, We pay for the yabos. The steroid era saved baseball once before, it's looking more and more like we're gonna need the steroid era 2.0 to bring it all back again.

5. Everyone thinks they can get the job done better than literal professional athletes, lets give them an opportunity to show it. The final rule change will allow for fans can enter a raffle to have the opportunity to play in a real life MLB game. Once every 5 games a fan has to come in and pitch (off the trampoline) to at least 3 batters, of course to adhere to the newly implemented 3 batter minimum rule. The opposing team will have to have a fan then take an at bat and play an inning of defense every 5 games as well. Not only does this allow for fans to have a once in a lifetime opportunity to get embarrassed by professional athletes on a live stage, it will allow for the managers to bring some strategy back to the game. Managers will have to think about when to trot out 5'6 290 pound JimBob from facebook to get in his 3 batters of work. Get this one rolling Manfred.

Hey Rob, if you see this, I'll accept direct deposit.

6/25 POLL OF THE DAY

poll of the day alert!!!!!

what is the best road trip snack?https://t.co/yUI7POtljo

— jike b (@_bigbritt) June 24, 2020

The closest and most controversial poll we've had yet and candy takes the cake as the best road trip snack. Moving on to today, there was a raging debate on the interwebs yesterday that made a lot of people #madonline. The debate centered around if you would rather have a bagel or a croissant. This poll is going to take it one step further and discuss what is the most elite breakfast bread is. This poll isn't talking about pastries, thats a whole other debate, but just the straight up bread. No more BSing, lets vote.

what is the most elite breakfast bread?

BAGEL - Big ole heffer of the group. Lots of bread, big ole hole in the middle, maybe turns ya on a bit. Great for sammie's, lot's of volume with this one so no need to get seconds.

CROISSANT - The boujee bread of the group. You can definitely eat like 12 of these and feel nothing in the gut at all, whole lot of buttery, flaky, delicious atmosphere.

ENGLISH MUFFIN - Croissant's get a lot of shit for being messy and English Muffins don't get enough. You take one of the little sleeve they come in and it's like a dump truck of bread beads falling from the sky. Can't fight the taste though.

BISCUIT - There's a lot of variety here. What I mean by that is there are some places/people who can make some BAD biscuits, but there are also some biscuits that could be good enough to drive world peace. 

Yet another controversial topic, but the debate must be settled.

 

6/24 POLL OF THE DAY

there's no excuse for being this late on the poll except i've been driving for the last 6 hours. time to vote on...

who is the WORST type of roommate?https://t.co/Z9f4NyKmAo

— jike b (@_bigbritt) June 23, 2020

Another day, another poll. No winner has been declared for yesterday's and the poll is still active so get your votes in in the tweet above while you still can (1 point for democracy). I recently drove from my small one bed in good ole North Dakota 10 or so hours back down to my parents house. Along the way there was a lot of complaining and back pain but also an unnecessary amount of snack consumption. There's something about being in the car that brings up the snack consumption to amounts higher than the recommended amount by the USDA.

That's why today's poll is going to be, what are the best road trip snacks?

BEEF JERKY - I put this as the odds on favorite to take the chip, the only downside is the price point. It's honestly comparable to putting a downpayment down on a home, it can put a big dent in the bank account early in the trip.

CANDY - This includes chocolate and sweet chewy shit. "But Jake they're different and should be categorized different" Fuck you, it's my poll. They're both sugary and make you feel like heaven while eating and feel like shit after.

CHEX MIX / TRAIL MIX - Again, not exactly the same but I make the rules. Getting a mix of chex, pretzels, M&M's, and those delectable garlic chips gives you your sweet and salty combination all in one sweaty hand full.

SUNFLOWER SEEDS - Chewing and spitting and chewing and spitting. Devouring an entire bag of these feels like the great low calorie option, I can assure you it's not. If you can power through the breaking point that is eating them until your taste buds and lips are raw I commend you and you deserve an award. An American classic.

There's no bad choice here. VOTE BELOW

poll of the day alert!!!!!

what is the best road trip snack?https://t.co/yUI7POtljo

— jike b (@_bigbritt) June 24, 2020

Baseball Is Back, But My Wife Isnt

The Major League Baseball Players Association and the Owners were finally able to work out a deal so that way baseball will be played this year. This is very good for the players and the fans, but I'm beginning to get quite concerned because my wife has been stuck quarantining with her trainer Esteban for the duration of the COVID-19 lockdown. 

While I have no doubt that all the training sessions with Esteban are keeping her in good shape, I am a little concerned that she's been working out so much that she hasn't returned any of my 8 calls today to tell her that it's safe to come home since the MLB will be starting training camp on July 1st.

Sharon, if you're reading this, please come home. The washing machine is broken and I'm scared of the rattling noise it makes.