Norfolk Beer Power Ranking

     We're just going to keep the train rolling with these power rankings from my east coast road trip. Previously I brought you the power ranking of states that I drove through between Chicago and Norfolk. This time around, we are going to address the full force of my borderline alcoholism that I say is a craft beer affinity, and power rank all of the various beers I drank in Norfolk, VA. 

    A couple changes this time around. First and foremost, we have pictures for this one, so that's pretty neat. Secondly we are going to rank by location. We went to 4 different drinking locations on this trip; 3 breweries, 1 sail boat tour, and the Blue Moon Tap House which I'm not counting because they served me 2 different tapped-keg beers. That's really all the updates, let's talk beer.

Stop 1: Benchtop Brewing

    The 3 breweries we went to were all within half a mile of each other, absolutely stupid how close all this delicious beer  was in proximity to each other. So naturally I drank as much as I could and my friend Abbey was gracious enough to drive back. We started at Benchtop, which is admittedly probably the second-string brewery in the area, but their merch was pretty dope and they had a great IPA flight (pictured above). 

    The first beer I tried however was way outside my comfort zone. Typically I am a NEIPA guy, keep it on the light side, maybe some citrus or passion fruit in there, that's the money zone. This beer was the polar opposite of that, it was called the Walter's Brunch. This was a porter (literally the darkest beer), with coffee and syrup flavoring. I don't know what compelled me to order this, but it seemed to be the most popular item they had. I was beyond surprised at how light this beer was despite the fact that it was so dark. It literally tasted like breakfast in a glass and filled me up about as much too. My only knock against it is that there's no chance I could drink more than 2 or 3 of them before I would need a nap from being too full. Not a great all day drinking beer, great to end the night though. I give it a 6.9/10 (nice), and would definitely recommend everyone try it if given the opportunity.

    After a nice surprise to start, I decided it was time to fly. For any rookie drinkers out there, a flight is 4 beers, typically a half pour, purely made for sampling. However if you choose your beers correctly, also a very efficient way to get buzzed. My flight, which I am nicknaming the Fresh Theory Flight:

-Ripping Freshies

    Absolutely lived up to its name, so refreshing, strong amount of alcohol content but a little bit of a raspberry flavor to it. 7.2/10

-Sabro Theory

    The worst of the theories, but not bad. It's like the Thor: The Dark World of these beers, one of them has to be the worst. 6/10

-Nelson Theory

    The best one in my opinion, great passion fruit flavor, but also not much otherwise distinguish it as all 3 of these "Theories" are NEIPA's. 7.5/10 but may change my mind with the 4 pack that I bought.

-Proven Theory

    I wouldn't exactly call it "Proven." But it was a damn good beer, however just a very cut and dry NEIPA, so it's basically just like a Hazy Hero. 7/10

    Overall rating on the IPA flight is a solid 7. It wasn't the absolute best flight I've ever had in my life, but it was still damn good and I genuinely enjoyed and finished all 4 of  them. After that I was sufficiently buzzed enough to spend way too much money on brewery merch. But we're support local small business right?

    After this it was on to the Shangri La of Norfolk Beer: Smartmouth Brewing Company. I didn't think to get pictures of the place, but it is just a giant old warehouse that's been converted to a brewery, and we were there for one of their new beer releases! Of course I had to try it so we'll get there.

    Beer number one at Smartmouth was another porter (who am I?) called "Happy Birthday Curiosity." Honestly I tried it because it's tag line was "#1 all-time social distancer." Have to reward that type of cleverness. The beer itself was also actually delicious. It tasted exactly like coffee cake, kind of like if you were to mike iced coffee with coffee cake creamer and then sneak a bunch of Bailey's in there, absolutely delicious. Smaller knock on the heaviness this time, still a 7.8/10 would drink so many of those.

    The second beer however was the winner for the trip. The beer that was released about 2 hours before we showed up, appropriately titled "Party On, Thor." It was a Czech lager brewed with strawberries, and if I'm being honest I wouldn't mind just injecting this right into my veins. This beer was so refreshing, not heavy, not tart, and just a little bit sweet. Incredible summer beer, and a great boat drink. Sign me up for a 12 pack of this, 8.8/10.

    After Smartmouth, we had to make our way to our final stop because, you know, bars aren't open until midnight anymore. Our final stop was more of a craft house than an actual brewery. It was a very quaint little building called The Birch, and the main selling point for me was that they have mead. 

    We're just going to jump right into it: I think I only want to drink mead for the rest of my life. The one I tried is called "Viking's Blood," which: 1. Fucking sick name 2. Spot on name. Quick FYI: mead is one of the oldest ways to brew "beer" but it is essentially a malt liquor brewed with fermented honey. It is super sweet, but carries a 19% alcohol content. Two glasses of this and you are shit faced. This was about enough for me on this night, but I still enjoyed every last drop of it. Not sure if this qualifies as a beer either, but still had to point out how incredible this drink is. Go get it at your local liquor store.

    The last beer I had on this night was called a Snorkasaurus. I think I was either face deep in a grilled cheese or far too drunk to take notes because my only comment was: !!!. So I think it was pretty good.

    Overall I think Norfolk has a rich and impressive beer portfolio. Well above average at best. The porters aren't too heavy, the IPA's are unique and creative, the names are top notch and every sip felt like it was personally made by a brew master who has lived in Norfolk their entire life. I can't put it ahead of Chicago as best beer city yet, but I'm also biased to my hometown.

    Next stop on my trip is Baltimore, so those rankings will come out once I leave here on Wednesday.

-TM

     

Power Ranking my Drive from Chicago to Norfolk

 

    I have been feeling increasingly claustrophobic and cooped up in my own apartment lately. I don't work from home anymore, I live at work,  and that is not great for anyone's work/life  balance. So to try and kick the cabin fever I decided to pack up my car, who I have named Natasha and should be referred to as such, and we went out on the road. It seemed a lot of the important people in my life moved out east recently, so I figured I could see everyone in one road trip and work from their apartments on the weekdays.

    However, this road trip started with a big boy of a drive. After a half day of work, I got inside Natasha and hit  I-90 heading out of Chicago. My end destination was Norfolk, VA. That's right kids, daddy had a 13.5 hour drive ahead, not accounting for stops. And I have to say, after absolutely dominating that drive and getting there only 5 minutes later than my GPS originally said I would, I think I have reach Midwestern Dad levels of driving endurance. As soon as I get any good at golf it's over for you bitches.

    After more than half a day on the road, I drove through 5 states if you include starting in Illinois. Some of these states rocked, literally and figuratively, and some of them are named Indiana. Here's my official power ranking of 5 randomly specific US States:

5. Indiana

    Of course Indiana was the worst state I drove through, it might be the worst US state overall. The entire state is under construction, and for the literal 40 miles that it isn't, nobody knows how to fucking drive. I have nothing good to say about Indiana. I wish I could just delete this state from existence and make a new "Greatest Lake."

4. Illinois

    I'm not an Illinois hater, but I am a Chicago traffic hater. I left my apartment at 11 AM on a Wednesday and it STILL took me almost an hour to get out of the city. Now I know this because I aced US Geography in high school and college, but for those of you that don't know, Chicago is only about 20-ish miles long, and I am not on the far north side by any stretch. It should not take me that long to travel that short of a distance. Fuck traffic, I hate it. But other than that Chicago is a very pretty city and I was a little bit sad to leave her.

3. Ohio

    It physically pains me to put Ohio this high on the list, but holy shit southeastern Ohio is actually kinda beautiful. I wouldn't call them mountains because that's the last thing we need is to tell Ohioans that they have beaches and mountains in the same state, but the foothills were beautiful in the early afternoon when I made my way through the Beaverdam area. This was also the part of the country where I saw a man driving his 1980s pickup truck down the interstate with two goddamn stallions just chilling in the bed. That highway also later turned into a regular road with stoplights out of nowhere so honestly fuck that road in general.

2. Virginia

    This is my first destination, so I can't give it too much credit for driving through it. Two knocks right off the bat: there is literally nothing between the state border and  Richmond. I was undoubtedly the only car on the road  and  the only light available for miles for a good two hours. Secondly, I got caught by a giant barge coming into Norfolk, like 20 minutes from my destination, absolute buzzkill and made me realize how exhausted I was. However, the drive down the coast coming into Norfolk is unmatched, even if  I came into town in the middle of the night. The smell of saltwater in the air is heavenly after sitting in a stale ass car for over 12 hours. Highly recommend Norfolk so far too, nice city and they're big obsessed with mermaids.

1. West Virginia 

    I mean holy shit, mountain mama. This state was absolutely beautiful. I'm going to gripe from the start just to get through the negative: climbing mountains in a 6 cylinder Hyundai is incredibly difficult, there were times I couldn't get over 60 MPH and I wanted to absolutely fly through these mountains. Other than that I have nothing but good things to say. 

    One particular point in the trip I wanted to talk about was an full on revelation moment for me. I had always seen on TV and in movies, the towns in West Virginia that were literally built into the mountain, and centered around the gas plant or coal mine in town. But on this drive I realized that shit is real. I was about 30  miles outside of the legendarily named town of Moss, West Virginia. I drop past a sheer drop in the mountain, and there was a town built into the side of it. This town was straight out of the movies, like some "Out of the Furnace" shit. It was a giant coal plant built into the side of the mountain, and the rest of the town of 3-500 was built around it. There was 1 restaurant, maybe 2 gas stations, and a metric ass load of single story ranch homes. It was the coolest town I've ever seen in my life.

    Added bonus-when you drive down the mountains in WV, you can literally take your foot completely away from the pedals and just coast at about 80 MPH down the side of a mountain, absolutely liberating.

    

    I saw so many gorgeous landscapes on this trip. America truly is an amazing country if you just take a look around. Bottom line, take more road trips kids.

-TM

DeAndre Hopkins Just Put Every NFL Agent on Notice

 

A sports agent; one of the most lucrative and opportunity giving jobs in the entire sports industry. People like Scott Boras and Rich Paul have made an absolute killing off the contracts of the players the represent. I remember hearing about Jay-Z becoming an agent and Roc Nation subsequently signed Kevin Durant; and I tried to figure out every possible avenue to becoming a sports agent before I figured  out that I'm really bad at math. 

Nonetheless, being an agent for a high-profile player is the gift that keeps on giving, although maybe less so in the NFL. For some context: MLB agents like Scott Boras make between 4% and 10% of their player's contract value. NBA agents come in at no more than 4% and NFL agents make no more than 3%. 

So despite the fact that NFL agents take the lowest percentage of a player's contract, the Arizona Cardinals' DeAndre Hopkins said "forget that" and structured his new contract by himself. Not only did he negotiate a deal that would keep him in Arizona for the next 5 years, but he made himself the highest paid non-QB in professional football history. Forget an agent, forget sharing contract value, DeAndre Hopkins is one of the best wide receivers in the game right now and he wanted to get his money for himself. 

Absolutely have to applaud the effort, but let's not ignore the trend this might start. It may not happen as much in football, because as we mentioned before, those agents take the smallest cut of any professional sports agent. But NBA and especially MLB agents are getting put on notice. Players are smart, they know  their value and have access to all the stats they need to compare themselves to other players and get the salary they know they deserve. I would not be surprised at all if this starts a trend of players coming into the respective major sports leagues without an agent. 

The NBA provides an easier way to do that; especially for high-profile college and international players, as Twitter does most of the work for them. Social media provides highlights and insight the wasn't nearly as readily available to the public 10 years ago. Baseball will be a bit harder to do just because of the sheer volume of  MLB and MiLB players there are. If you combine that with high school and college-eligible players as well as the international market, most players will need an agent to advocate for them at least until they make it to the show.

The NFL may have the easiest path to making it without an agent however. Sure, for certain positions, or unproven but high ceiling players there is the need for some assistance. But the majority of NFL players are heavily marketed from the time they are in college. NFL execs and scouts know who they are targeting in future drafts at least 3 years ahead. Also, NFL rookie contracts are typically pretty cut and dry based on which round players are drafted in. All of this adds up to a simple contract for players after being marketed for years and subsequently drafted, thereby giving them around 3 years to prove themselves in the league before they can take their stats and use those comparisons to get the contracts they deserve.

I know it's not as simple as this, but I think we will start to see a trend of players getting huge contracts all on their own.

Shoutout to DeAndre Hopkins, lastly, get that money.

-Theo

Pedro Strop is in Chicago

While I was in my old man slumber because as you can see by the time of this blog publishing, I sleep like a senior citizen, Pedro Strop was apparently in Chicago per his instagram story. In case you're not familiar, Strop is one of the most underrated and under-appreciated Cubs ever. He never had an ERA over 2.91 or a FIP under under 3.50 for the entirety of his Cubs career with the exception of last year which in which he struggled. So what does that mean? Not only is he coming off a year in which he struggled, he's coming off an injury, and is 35. Does that make it worth the flier for the Cubs?

Yes, yes it does you big dumb idiot. This bullpen STINKS. There is literally no arm that you can trust to come out of there and pump a lineup down in 11 pitches comfortably. Does Strop fix that? Maybe. Maybe not, but it can't hurt to find out.

Not only is he worth the flier on the field, he is great for morale. He is an infectious personality that was universally loved in the clubhouse. He was known as the guy that would hype up Javy when he was struggling and helping him get back on track. 

We'll see if he ends up back at 1060 W. Addison, but I know of one guy that would be beyond thrilled if this goes down.

M O O D pic.twitter.com/xYQP4yE842

— DOM (@DOM_Frederic) August 28, 2020

BUCKS BOYCOTT

First and for most: Black Lives Matter. Some of you need that message to get through your thick skulls.

Following the police altercation that resulted in Jacob Blake being shot SEVEN times in the back by a police officer, the message is loud and clear. You can't fix what's not broken. Not even 3 months after the tragic death of George Floyd, another police officer is shown using excessive violence against a Black man on camera. When will we see any actual change in our policing? If you aren't outraged, then you aren't paying attention!

Back in June, many NBA player were worried that in a time of racial injustice across the country, returning to basketball would be a distraction. They were worried that their voices wouldn't be heard enough. The NBA has tried to make this return to basketball a platform for its players voices to be projected. Kneeling during the national anthem, 'Black lives matter' printed on the court, BLM warm up shirts, and even custom social justice messages on the jerseys are all awesome forms of symbolism that the NBA has allowed its players to use to get their message across. But at the end of the day, it's only symbolism which isn't necessarily true activism. For example: Jimmy Butler tried to come out in a jersey with no name and no message to make his statement, and the league SAID NO! Such a slap in the face. "Our players can protest, but only how we want them to." 

Now it's August and they're clearly hasn't been much change. The players see it too, despite being trapped in a bubble. After rumors circulated about the Raptors and Celtics boycotting game 1 of their series, The Bucks actually did it. Game 5 of the Bucks vs. Magic was supposed to tip off today, and the Magic eventually had to leave the floor as their opponent didn't show up. Jacob Blake's home in Kenosha being only a short drive from Milwaukee, makes their message fit perfectly. For that, I love you Milwaukee Bucks. Some things are bigger than basketball, even for guys who get paid to play. 

How will this shape the rest of the playoffs?

 

FUCK THIS MAN!!!! WE DEMAND CHANGE. SICK OF IT

— LeBron James (@KingJames) August 26, 2020

 

This shit bigger than basketball! Whoever don’t understand that is part of the problem.

— DeMar DeRozan (@DeMar_DeRozan) August 26, 2020

 

WE DEMAND JUSTICE!!!

— Jamal Murray (@BeMore27) August 26, 2020

 

Without teams taking a stand, the silence continues. Money talks so hopefully this sparks some real change. 

The Dark Knightengale Rises

"For only the second time since July 26, there is not a single #MLB game already postponed because of COVID-19, and weather permitting, it would be the 1st time since opening weekend there will be a full slate of games."- Bob Nightengale on twitter. Folks our dastardly hero The Dark Knightengale has struck again. Just mere minutes after tweeting the report that no games were getting canceled, Astros-Mets was postponed because of a hurricane. As disappointing as missing baseball is, it's still quite a feat for the Dark Knightengale to consistently get these reports wrong as soon as possible. It's almost as if he's playing all of us, and enjoying a nice little laugh. He's not the hero we deserve, rather the hero we need. While he may be more Joker than Batman, it's important to understand that Bob Nightengale's reverse jinx is one of the strongest substances on earth. Many people talk about what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object, and while science nerds have been debating it for centuries, I am here to tell you that the real answer is that Bob "The Dark Knightengale" Nightengale is both the immovable object and the unstoppable force. Whereas many reporters focus on the unimportant things, Bob-O focuses on getting it wrong so that we he can get it right. A man so immune to clowning that he actually prefers toying with us mere twitter morons from his castle on top of a mountain. He is the puppet master and baseball is the puppets. He is the only one with the power to save us with his reverse jinx, and I would like to shine a light in the sky to signal to our fearsome ally that the sport needs help. Please help us Dark Knightengale, you're our only hope.

Why You Should Be ALL IN on Robert Pattinson's "The Batman"

 

If you weren’t on Team Edward back in 2010, now is the time.

We don't just write about sports here loser, so if you'd like to expand your cultural knowledge of meaningless superhero movies and comic books, stick around for this one. Yesterday at DC Fandome (a virtual convention for all things DC Comics & Entertainment), we were hit with the first real look at Robert Pattinson as the titular character and holy fucking shit Batman, it looks absolutely amazing. From costume design, character choices, and the overall tone of the film, this is going to be as real as it gets for the Caped Crusader, and I for one am so ready for Emo-Batman (IT’S NOT A PHASE MOM!). Here am I going to go on a bit of a deep-dive into why this has the potential to not only be the best batman film we’ve ever seen, but how this film will finally break Robert Pattinson’s curse of always being remembered as the sparkling-vampire-boy from the Twilight Saga.

Firstly, let’s address Pattinson’s track record as an actor. YES, he was mostly awkward and terrible as Edward Cullen. YES, those movies were mostly targeted at 15-year-old teenage girls who were looking to experience their first orgasm in the back of a movie theater. But those days are long gone, and since then he has turned into an extremely well-rounded actor, capable of transforming into whatever role is presented to him. His most recent example of this is The Lighthouse (2019). Look it up, it’s fantastic. And with all that being said, the fit for him as Bruce Wayne is a better casting than you might think. His biggest strength was always being a doom-and-gloom downer, and what better actor to portray a comic book accurate Dark Knight than Edward Cul – I mean Robert Pattinson? This man might fuck around and give us the coolest, meanest, and most authentic bat we’ve ever seen on the big screen.

You didn’t read comics like a dweeb in high school? I don’t blame you. But I did, and on occasion I still dabble in graphic novels to this day. What you really need to know about this film is the source material it is pulling from: The Long Halloween. When I tell you this is one of the most influential comic books of all-time, I am not blowing smoke up your ass. And let’s face it, you are too cool and aren’t going to take the time to read it anyway so you’ll just have to take my word for it; It’s really fricking good. The story focus’ on a different strength of Batman, and arguably his greatest asset; his brain. In the comics, one of the Bat’s many calling cards is being the “World’s Greatest Detective,” a trait often overlooked in films and comics alike. This movie is not going to be a mindless DCEU (DC Extended Universe) Film, with bland acting and action filled with CGI at every god damn turn. No, this movie is going to be a crime film, a thriller, with the Riddler taking center stage. The premise of The Long Halloween is simple; The Riddler starts wreaking havoc in Gotham, dropping hints (riddles, if you will) to his plots in expert fashion. He is always a few steps ahead of the Bat, and the Dark Knight begins an epic crime investigation, paying visits to many of his arch-rivals to solve the “Enigma” (IYKYK). The Long Halloween is one of the darkest stories in Batman history, delivering a young batman with roughly a year of experience. He doesn’t have a multitude of fancy gadgets, sporting normal black combat boots and a leather mask, which can be seen in the trailer. He isn’t fighting aliens; he isn’t performing outrageous stunts. Bruce Wayne is human, and that will never be more true in this upcoming film. It’s also important to note that this isn’t an origin story. We are going to be thrust into the beginnings of BATMAN, not the beginnings of Bruce Wayne (thank god). Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy was given such high praise because of its realism, and dark tone in nature; The Long Halloween is darker. Based on the trailer alone, the film seems to have captured the essence of the comic book, and that is a VERY good sign. Mix in Andy Serkis playing Alfred Pennyworth, Jeffrey Wright playing Commissioner Gordon, Collin Farrell as the Penguin, and Zoe Kravitz as Catwoman, and you have terrific, gritty actors everywhere, and I love it; you should too.

The Batman is still far from release (THANKS covid), coming out in October of 2021; yet another reference to the source material. To wrap this up, I won’t bother you with all the easter eggs littering the trailer, but my god there is one that has my excitement through the roof. At the 1:40 minute mark, Patterson’s Batman absolutely beats the dog shit out of a thug for simply asking him his name (LOL). He then proceeds to begin to say one of the more famous comic book lines from Batman history: I am VENGEANCE.

To quote the Long Halloween, it goes as follows.

I am Vengeance. I am the Night. I am… Batman.

Get fucking hyped folks, this movie is going to be Oscar worthy. I’m calling it now.

[ Trailer Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fxbzD_CSD8 ]

The Padres Just Bodybagged the Entire State of Texas

pic.twitter.com/H6QxjrBrpW

— Slam Diego Padres (@Padres) August 23, 2020

For the past 7 games the Padres played the AL Wests two representatives from the great state of Texas and won all 7 games. If you live under a rock you know that Rangers Manager Chris Woodward set off one of the biggest bitch fits in Major League Baseball this year that would even make the likes of the entire Milwaukee Brewers organization proud, when Fernando Tatis Jr. hit a grand slam on a 3-0 pitch up 7 runs (read more about the dumb unwritten rules of baseball here). Since then the Padres have hit like 22 grand slams and beat every team in that state they decided to send out that tweet above.

This is the perfect tweet for a couple of reasons. The old people won't get it so there's no way they can't get truly mad about it. Any sports writer over the age of 40 has no idea what's going on here. They'll see and just think "this is just another one of them kids spongesquare memes". They might not even know its Spongebob because he's not even a square in these pictures. Another reason it's great is because it gets cheap likes and retweets with the young crowd, nothing like pandering using a showed thats been meme'd to death for clout. I honestly respect the move. 

This is an A+ tweet from the Slam Diego Padres twitter account to own the entire population of the State of Texas. Pretty ballsy move to attack an entire state that has the 2nd highest population in the country, but if you can talk the talk...