All of the rules of the game of baseball are written already, in fact you can review them all in a 188 page PDF right here. However, the rest that is unwritten is not a bunch of bangers like Natasha Bedingfield's first studio album. If you have the time and the will power to sift through this monster of a rule book, you'll find the following "rules" not included:
No bunting to break up a no hitter.
No admiring or "pimping" home runs.
Do not steal bases if your team is up by 5+ runs
Pitchers do not call their fielders out for making errors
Do not swing on 3-0 if your team is up by a large margin.
There are a few others that we are missing, but many of the unwritten rules have nothing to do with the actual game play, and more with common courtesy between batters/pitchers/innings etc. And I'll be honest, those unwritten rules I can deal with.
Yeah, you shouldn't stand in the batter's box while the pitcher is warming up. We in the biz just call that a "dick move" though. Also yes, when you're hit by a pitch, don't rub it. But that's more of an alpha move than an unwritten rule. There are some unwritten baseball rules that do make sense, but the ones that do are mostly just basic etiquette of the game.
HOWEVER, I did not forgot about the literal shit list that I mentioned earlier. Obviously because that's what we're here to talk about. As a former college baseball player, and a player who both pitched and played the field, I am here to offer my opinion on why the "unwritten rules" of baseball are not only bullshit, but contradictory to the spirit and the fun behind actually playing baseball.
So firstly let's address bunting during a no-hitter. I'll say this one is the most flawed from the start because it comes with so many caveats. Obviously if you're the leadoff hitter in a game, there's no hits on the board yet. But it's okay to bunt your way on base safely in the top of the first right? Then why is it such an issue with 1 out in the 7th when your team is trying to win the game the same way they were in the 1st inning? It doesn't make sense to me and the line where it is acceptable is different to every crotchety old man out there, so why are we making a big deal out of it?
The game that immediately comes to my mind when thinking about this rule is the no-hitter that the late Doc Halladay threw against the Reds in 2010. If we remember, Brandon Phillips tried to bunt his way on with 2 outs in the 9th inning, and the old men of baseball went into a frenzy. However none of this mattered because Carlos Ruiz was still able to throw him out in time to seal the no-no.
Unlike traditionalist baseball though, I'm cool with the bunt attempt with 2 outs in the 9th inning. I think the idiotic part of that was that he bunted with 2 strikes, but that's why he's paid millions of dollars a year to play baseball and I sit behind my keyboard and write about it. It's not just this situation though, if it were a regular season game, a straight up shutout, or a perfect game, I think baseball players should be doing everything they can to get on base. If the pitcher or catcher can't field a bunt, that is on them.
Same thing goes for stealing when a team is up by a ton. If the pitcher is lazy to the plate and the catcher has a shit pop-time, then that is on them if a runner decides to take a base. Bases come at a huge premium in the MLB and I can tell you right now every speedster out there is looking to pass old Rickey (not that it will ever happen).
The only one on here that I semi-agree with is the fact that pitchers shouldn't call out their fielders for making errors. The shortstop in me says that's right because the one pitcher who ever tried to call me out for making an error took a 102 exit velocity line drive off the jaw the very next pitch, so I don't want to fuck with baseball karma like that. On the other hand, people like Andrelton Simmons and Francisco Lindor are paid stupid amounts of money to do one thing and one thing only on a baseball field: play fucking defense. So if your guys aren't backing you up inning after inning, game after game, I'm totally on a pitcher's side if they want to collectively call out their infield.
Now this brings us to the two remaining unwritten rules: pimping home runs and swinging on a 3-0 count when your team is killing the opponent. We've seen one of these be the subject of a good amount of bench-clearing brawls in recent years; and the former is, of course, the subject of discussion surrounding Fernando "Future Face of Baseball" Tatis Jr., and the softer-than-baby-shit Texas Rangers.
I'll address these one at a time because I feel like they are separate issues. So firstly let's talk about pimping home runs. I'm sorry, I may have missed something in the 18+ years I was playing the sport; but last time I checked, baseball is a GAME. Also last I checked, games are meant to be FUN. I could not give a smaller fuck about a pitcher whose feelings got hurt because someone celebrated hitting a 500ft tank shot off of them.
Baseball is meant to be fun, it is a game played for the entertainment of others and the fulfillment of those skilled enough to do so. I am a lowly technology consultant and you bet your ass I celebrate if I make a big sale and beat out a competitor. Why should it be different, do we really expect a bunch of the most elite athletes in the world, who are mostly between 22-30 years old, to not get excited when they excel at their job?! And nonetheless, a job that is also, in case I haven't mentioned it yet, a GAME. So next time your grandpa wants to complain about Bryce or Bregman standing in the box too long or flipping the absolute life out of their bat after dick slapping a 500ft bomb, tell grandpa he's the killer of joy and needs to lighten the fuck up. Also tell Papelbon to get good.
So that brings us to the issue of Fernando Tatis and the Texas Rangers. I think there's two very simple resolutions to this argument, and both have been mentioned before. The first is that this is a goddamn game. If Ian Gibaut is so embarrassed after giving up a granny down 10-3, I feel no sympathy. The fact of the matter is he and his team allowed the bases to be loaded. He then threw 3 straight pitches outside the strike zone. Which side note, is really fucking hard to do, especially as a guy whose job it is to come in, throw strikes, and get the game over with. Then, with the bases loaded, down 3-0 in the count and 10-3 overall in the game, Gibaut throws a knee-high 92 MPH baby cutter that looked like a high school pitch minus the velocity. Of course Tatis spanked that fucker like a red headed step child.
My last issue with this is the Ranger's base coach calling out Tatis for it. Chris Woodward had no issues being on the other side of the same situations. He celebrated with Corey Seager a couple years ago in almost the exact same scenario. All of this to get an apology from Tatis. AN APOLOGY? Imagine being so good at your job, that you end up having to apologize to the team your just embarrassed because they couldn't deal with their own inferiority.
Absolutely pitiful showing by the Rangers. To not only get beat 14-3, but to then bitch and moan about the best young player in the game putting your team on blast, that's a new low. Texas Rangers, get fucking good.
The unwritten rules of baseball remain unwritten for one reason: they are bullshit. They are some arbitrary way for old men to measure a baseball player's acumen of the game, and they are a crutch for purist to lean on when they don't like how fucking cool of a game baseball is becoming.
The only unwritten rule that should remain is:
DO NOT EVER TALK ABOUT A NO HITTER.
That's my two cents, let me know what you think in the comments. Any grievances or Rangers-esque bitching can be directed to: harrisonhilman78@gmail.com
Bless,
Theo Mills
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