NBA PLAYOFFS: Predicting the West

We get playoff basketball tomorrow we get playoff basketball tomorrow we get playoff basketball tomorrow we get... Holy hell, those eight regular season games took forever but the NBA playoffs are finally here and in new fashion? That's right baby the Western Conference starts the playoffs tomorrow with a playin game between the Trailblazers and Grizzlies. If the Blazers win, they earn the 8th playoff spot while the Grizzlies need to to win against Portland twice to earn the spot. Two teams with losing records battling it out to get swept by the Lakers gives off major March Madness energy. 

Quick RIP to the Suns. 8-0 wasn't enough.

FIRST ROUND:

Alright so based on our Average at Best fan poll, 0% of our followers want to see Memphis as the 8th seed so for round one we have: Lakers vs. Trailblazers. As I mentioned previously, neither team is going to take down LeBron and AD in round one. There was so much hype riding on three mediocre teams (which don't get me wrong, I love the hype) when in reality the eighth seeds have advanced to the second round only five times since the 1983-84 season. That being said, a Blazers 8th seed seems better than your average 8th seed. Coming off a WCF trip in 2019 and with the star power of Dame, Portland is a sneaky team. 

Prediction: Lakers 4-1 

One of my favorite matchups in the playoffs is this 4 vs. 5 in the west: Rockets vs. Thunder. Everyone is aware of the blockbuster trade that sent Russell Westbrook to Houston and officially started the Thunder's rebuild, but everyone doesn't consider... The thunder finished with the same record as the Rockets and right behind in the standings. People were writing off the Thunder as Chris Paul's gravestone where he would spend the last few years of his career in Oklahoma with a tanking team. People were wrong. I am people. The Thunder will be able to create mismatches for the Rockets' size (like literally every other team) but I don't see them outplaying Brodie and the Beard. 

Prediction: Rockets 4-2 

This next series holds near and dear to my heart. We got the Nuggets vs. Jazz. Both teams have third tier all stars with the exception that Nikola Jokic could be a tier two guy. (might fuck around with tiermaker to explain my opinion there) But, you know what else both teams have? That's right, an Iowa State alumni playing in a meaningful role. Denver's Monte Morris is one of the better backup point guards in the league and Utah's Georges Niang is an excellent offensive threat at the 4 or 3 position. 

Prediction: Nuggets 4-1

One of the best 2 vs 7 matchups I've seen in awhile: Clippers vs. Mavericks. This series has everything. Elite star-power, explosive scorers, lock down defenders, and maybe even Kawhi's laughter. Luka and Kristaps are comfortably in the top 6 for PPG in the bubble, although their 3-5 bubble record wouldn't show it. The Clippers did not impress in their eight games either, but it's hard to doubt Kawhi Leonard and Paul George. No fuck that, I'm doubting them and the entire Clippers organization. This is the best season the Clippers franchise has ever had and after a first round exit, they'll be rebranding and relocating. 

Prediction: Mavericks 4-3 

JIM BOYLEN FIRED AS HEAD COACH OF THE CHICAGO BULLS

OFFICIAL: Boylen relieved as Bulls head coach.

— Chicago Bulls (@chicagobulls) August 14, 2020

 

The entire city of Chicago right now @barstoolchicago pic.twitter.com/0tjQVIfuA1 https://t.co/C1nqGVO9ku

— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) August 14, 2020

When the Bulls brought in Arturas Karnisovas on board in April to head up the Basketball Operations of the Bulls, I think just about everyone and their brother expected Boylen to be removed from his position swiftly along with all the other changes that happened around the front office, that did not happen. Instead, the front office underwent sweeping changes and Boylen remained put. As the saga dragged on throughout the summer we heard Boylen release a couple of statements all along the lines of him saying he would be "blindsided" if he was let go as head coach.

These same sentiments were echoed in reports that Jim Boylen has had full support from ownership and Jon Paxson (who isn't making basketball decisions anymore). This made me about 99.7% sure Boylen's toe head would be back strolling the sidelines next year. Well we found out this morning I was dead wrong, Jim Boylen has officially been let go by the Chicago Bulls and I think this is probably Zach Lavine when he woke up and heard the news.

Bulls fans rn: pic.twitter.com/ie4aJDLp2Z

— p (@pg13sav) August 14, 2020

With Boylen now gone it feels like all the STINK from the Gar/Pax era has officially been washed away, AK now gets the opportunity to go through a real hiring process and pick his own guy for the job.

Arturas Karnisovas makes the change on Boylen and will start a search right away for his replacement. Among many expected to be considered: Denver assistant Wes Unseld, Jr., former Brooklyn coach Kenny Atkinson; Toronto assistant Adrian Griffin; Bucks assistant Darvin Ham. https://t.co/SxGYny4Biy

— Adrian Wojnarowski (@wojespn) August 14, 2020

Woj mentions these four names here and there will be a blog later on detailing each candidate and who my preferred selection would be for the job. Until then, I need to go wilt away in corporate America for the next 6 hours. Go Bulls. 

Seahawks Rookie Corner Cut for Trying to Sneak Woman Into Team Hotel

 

The #Seahawks cut rookie CB Kemah Siverand this week after he was caught on video trying to sneak a female visitor into the team hotel, per sources.

Clear message on the responsibility everyone has in the NFL’s COVID-19 world: Put the team at risk, suffer the consequences.

— Tom Pelissero (@TomPelissero) August 13, 2020

It's a well know fact that professional athletes are the horniest people on the planet, and it may not even be close. We knew that when these guys get locked up in The Simpson's Movie style bubbles that we would get hilarious stories about how these guys were going to get women that they are interested in inside of the bubble. We've already seen the hilarious Lou Williams story of getting strip club chicken. Well this poor fella just lost his job for it, and the way he tried to pull it off might take the cake for the funniest attempt to sneak someone in.

The woman was wearing #Seahawks gear in an attempt to disguise her as a player, I’m told. It did not work.

— Tom Pelissero (@TomPelissero) August 13, 2020

I mean holy fuck is that laugh out loud funny. I can only picture her scooting over to the nearest Spirit Halloween store and picking up one of these bad boys to try and blend in with the squad.

 

"Wow that was a tough practice today boys, can't wait to get back out there tomorrow!"

Sucks the guy got cut, but the hilarity of how this went down might be my favorite COVID sports moment thus far.

QUICK SHOUT OUT FOR THE TREWPS

 

I was at Chipotle minutes ago because I was getting hangry and needed a burrito bowl with double pico. You know the mood. Anyways as I'm walking out of the restaurant, in walks combat carl himself decked out in his camo army man gear head to toe like he felt the need to blend in with the urban sprawl of Dubuque, Iowa. Naturally, I thank him for his service and give him a kiss on the boots and then another wet one right on the mouth because this MOTHERFUCKER of a "HERO" didn't have a goddamn mask on. (I didn't thank him lol FOH w all that.) 

In Dubuque, Iowa, it is now required to wear a mask (rightfully so) and Chipotle had a very conveniently placed sign on its door reminding its customers of these requirements. Of course the 17 year old making my burrito bowl wasn't gonna stand up to GI-Joe out of the presumable fear of a Chris Kyle level PTSD episode. Frankly, I didn't have time for that either so I kept my mouth shut and left it alone. Here's the part that really got to me though: this boomer pulls up in his truck and walks up to the door as I'm getting in my car. You know what boomer does? Boomer stops, reads the sign, returns to his truck, and masks up. Thank you boomer, you are a true American hero. 

Don't pretend to be above us regular degular civilians when you're in your little green costume. If you want to be thanked for your service, start by doing the right thing and try to be a better citizen. 

Heyward, Rizzo's Chains Carry the Cubs to a Two Game Sweep in Cleveland

The Cubs returned to Cleveland to take on the Indians on a Tuesday and Wednesday night for the first time since... you guessed it, April of 2018 when they split a two game series with the Tribe. Not what you were thinking? Whatever, here's what happened

GAME ONE

Game one we saw Jon Lester do what Jon Lester does and the offense carried by none other than... *checks notes*... Jason Heyward??? Yes idiot Jason Heyward. The Cubs used a big 6th inning to scratch across 5 runs and sparked by a big 3 run yabo by J-Hey. It would be smooth sailing after that. The teams best offensive player Ian Happ added a couple knock and an RBI. Who gave up on this guy after 2018? Couldn't be me, he's unreal and it makes me and many other Cubs fans very glad we will now RARELY get a start from Albert Almora ever again. The Bullpen threw 3 clean innings with Tepera looking solid again and Colin Rea coming in for the last couple of innings. Rea looked sharp, if the Cubs can get some productive innings out of him in this condensed here that would be a massive help to a struggling bullpen. Rea has been a starter in the MLB and was solid before injuries derailed his career. Remember when he got traded to the Marlins for a game, got hurt, and then sent back to the Padres? That was weird. Cubs win 7-1

GAME TWO

Holy Fuck Anthony Rizzo comes out rocking bike chains that would make Rick Ross proud. I mean talk about the Italian Stallion, one of the most obnoxious chains I've seen on the Diamond in a while; and it gave him the power to rope one right over the right field fence to get the scoring going in the first inning. Kyle Hendricks did what he does best, worked quickly and efficiently while throwing a whopping 88 mph. Speaking of The Professor, the Cubs got another Solid outing out of him. 6 sharp innings only giving up one and only getting himself into a bit of a jam in the 5th but working out of it only giving up the one run then. The Cubs got another couple of RBI's from Jason Heyward this game and somehow is the teams RBI machine. Bote added a 2 RBI single as well to add some runs in a crooked 5th inning in which the Cubs plated 3. Oh yeah, KB is good too. He's gotten off to a bit of a slow start but has put together a bunch of good ABs and today drove one WAY out of yard to get in a nice groove. They would go on to get a crun across in both the 8th and 9th inning for insurance and the bullpen gives up one run in 3 innings of work and YOUR Chicago Cubs improves to 12-3 with a 7-2 victory over the Cleveland Indians.

Overall two very well played ballgames in Cleveland after four days off. Onto the Brewers for four games at Wrigley where they can really put a strong grip on the rest of the NL Central this weekend.

Is The 2015 High School Quarterback Class The Best Ever?

 1997 was a special year. Charles Woodson beat out Peyton Manning and Randy Moss for the Heisman, Biggie Smalls released Life After Death, Mike Tyson helped himself to a little earlobe mid fight against Evander Holyfield, and James Cameron released Titanic. But speaking of a sinking ship, Jake Paul was also born. But most importantly, determined parents everywhere saw the athletic feats perpetrated by such icons named Brett Favre, Jeff Hostetler, Gus Frerrotte, and Danny Kanell play quarterback at a level that none had ever seen and made a decision: to birth and raise possibly the greatest quarterback class of all time. 

Fast Forward 18 years and right out of the gate we have #1 QB and 5 star Josh Rosen. Rosen was a first round NFL Draft Choice, and it really doesn't matter what happens next because the check cleared. He still got drafted because of his big swinging cojones, and now he's set bouncing around teams as a backup quarterback for the next 7 years. Racking checks, having sex, and being pretty cool too. This is a win.

The second ranked quarterback from that class was Blake Barnett, and before you say who????, let me remind you that this is National Championship Winner, Blake Barnett. 

That's right, the original BB-8 was more like a BB-Great as he won a national championship with Alabama as a true freshman, before transferring to Arizona State and Southern Florida to major in smoking grass and grabbing ass. A true legend got a ring to seal his legacy, and decided to ride off into the sunset chasing Co-Eds at two party schools before taking his talents outside of football. A legend.

The third quarterback? That's right, Kyler Murray. A Heisman Trophy winning quarterback who also was a first round pick in baseball, before becoming the #1 overall selection in the NFL and winning Rookie of the Year in the NFL is one of footballs great young quarterbacks. Not only is he immensely talented, he's also a role model to men everywhere by proving to them that being 5'10 isn't the reason they weren't talented enough to play professional sports. All hail the short man's Jackie Robinson. 

Next we've got Jarrett Stidham. Stidham started his career at Baylor and then in what can only be described as an unavoidable series of sexual assaults perpetrated by the Baylor football team while being covered up by the Baylor coaching staff, Stidham transferred to Auburn. While at Auburn he beat #1 Georgia and #1 Alabama in back to back games before losing in the SEC Championship and the Peach Bowl to end the season. The loss in the Peach Bowl to UCF allowed those chickenshit losers to claim a national title, making Jarrett Stidham responsible for G5 teams thinking they can beat Bama. Good players win, Great players inspire others. Kudos to you Stidham. 

After we skip over Brandon Wimbush, Deondre Francois, Brady White, Jake Browning, and Ricky Town we get to Big Cock Drew Lock. Drew Lock threw for 12,000 yards while being a 2 time All SEC quarterback, and also not being an overwhelming loser for the Denver Broncos after they selected him in the 2nd round of the NFL Draft. He's big, tall, white, and has a cannon for an arm, which is just how John Elway likes it. I'm just glad Elway decided that being good at football was a requisite this time around. 

Sam Darnold was the 12th QB in 2015, before becoming a top 3 pick in the NFL, and since then the returns have been ok. Darnold has been above average for the Jets, but most importantly he had to miss football because he was too busy playing tonsil hockey with chicks to remember not to get mono. He also played a pivotal role in creating one of America's greatest graphic designs: 

What a champ. Sure, he didn't put together the graphic, but people don't think any less of JFK for not filming the Zapruder film. Sometimes you just need to be in the right place at the right time.

Next we have a couple more Heisman Trophy winners in Joe Burrow and Lamar Jackson. Especially cool that the Tennessee Volunteers took THREE QB's ranked ahead of Joe Burrow and Lamar Jackson in the same class. The future division rivals are both good at sports and absurdly cool.

Before Gardner Minshew was a starting quarterback in the NFL, he was an overlooked and underrated quarterback committed to Troy. He also wears Jorts and that's pretty cool too. Daniel Jones was also in this class, but I'd like to reserve a little more judgement before I pronounce him as "good". 

So all in all, we have 3 Heisman Trophy Winners, 6 First Round picks, 2 other NFL starting QBs and 4 players that switched positions by the time they got to the NFL. All in all, I think that's pretty good. 

NBA: Race for the 8 seed

"Put some respect on my name." These were Dame's words last night in the bubble after dropping 61 points in a win versus the Mavs. With 61 last night and 51 the night before, Damian Lillard joins a short list of NBA stars who have scored 112 or more points in a 2 game window. (Jordan, Harden, & Kobe are the others.) After moving to 9th on the list of most 50 point individual performances, Lillard and the Blazers also moved up to 8th in the western conference standings surpassing the Grizzlies and moving a half game ahead of them and the Suns. 

When the Grizzlies entered the bubble, the eight seed was theirs to lose. Despite the Grizzlies temporary lead in the standings, the talk around the NBA was about the excitement of seeing Zion in the playoffs, Dame time vs. King James, or Coach Popp's Spurs playing as the eighth seed. (The Spurs were a stretch, I just like DeMar DeRozan.) Surprisingly, there was no buzz around the clear cut ROTY, Ja Morant, taking on LeBron's Lakers in the first round. We'll see if being counted out creates extra motivation for Memphis as they play their final regular season bubble game against the Bucks tomorrow in an obvious must-win match up.

As for being counted out, the Phoenix Suns have been the afterthought of the NBA for this entire decade. Yet, here are they are sitting at 7-0 since the NBA restart on July 31st. The eighth seed is still such a long shot for Phoenix, but they have put themselves in a position to attain it. Whether they make the playoffs or not, what the Suns are doing is important for their future and Devin Booker's NBA career path*. 

*I agree with Dray, free D-Book!!!!

**Except I want him in Minnesota playing with KAT and D-Lo 

***Minnesota is arguably as bad/ worse than Phoenix historically 

https://t.co/laqxDLrXpD

Who do we want to see in the 8th seed for the Western Conference?

— Average at Best (@_AverageBest) August 12, 2020

Cubs Update (8/10): This Team Is Good

 Goooooood morning,

The Chicago Cubs are good at baseball. After disappointing ends to the previous two seasons of Cubs baseball, that resulted in losing a game 163 at home for the division title then losing the wild card game at home in 2018 and then the team all together missing the postseason last year and somehow winning 2 less games than Mickey Calloway's Mets. The team elected to move on from future Hall of Fame manager Joe Maddon and brought in a man that will melt the heart of every single mom in the north suburban Chicagoland Area. That brings this bad boy to the first part of this recap... the good.

THE GOOD

The Culture: Not to go total dumb meatball fan, but it does feel like the culture around this team has changed. In this very fucked up COVID year where these teams are playing in front of no people, this Cubs team shows up every day like that travel team that annoys you to no end but comes out like they're all on steroids and mercy rules you 22-0 in 5 innings and before you can even get you're second AB in you're on your way home with a Reese's Cup Blizzard dripping on your jersey. David Ross is the largest reason for this shift in culture; but the buy in from the player, especially the captain Anthony Rizzo, has to be recognized. These guys have talked a lot about their disappointments the past couple of years and so far they're playing like they meant that.

The Starting Rotation: These guys are pitching their their absolute dicks off. The tone was set opening day when the most underrated pitcher in the league came out and dragged his 88 mph throwing nuts all over the Milwaukee Brewers with a complete game, 3 hit shutout. Yu Darvish struggled a bit in his first start but since then has looked like the guy we saw in the 2nd half of last year. Jon Lester has been Jon Lester, no surprises. Now for the 2 very pleasant surprises, Tyler Chatwood and Alec Mills. Mills has been awesome. He's similar to Hendricks in that he does not throw with a ton of velocity and mixes in a big slow curveball and a disgusting change to compliment his 90 mph fastball. He looks like he could be your Family's accountant but then comes out and goes 6 scoreless before he heads home for his strict 10 pm bedtime to be up to balance the books by 8:00 am. As for Chatwood, he's pitching like a guy who's fighting for an opportunity to be a big league pitcher again after this season. He has been bad as a Cubs' starter in his time here, and was okay as a relief pitcher this year. But this year he looks like a new pitcher. The biggest reason for this change is his command. Tyler Chatwood has always had the 2nd best "stuff" on the pitching staff, bullpens included. The ball jumps from his hand and bounces all over the place. This year his BB% is down tremendously and his K% is up a ton as well. Even with him getting his tits blown off in Kansas City the last time out, his xFIP is still down at 2.40 which is good enough for 10th in all of baseball. He probably cannot keep up this pace but they are encouraging signs nonetheless.

The Offense: Long story short, these guys showed up this year. Circling back to David Ross again, one stark difference we've seen from Joe Maddon to him is lineup consistency. David Ross has had the same 1-5 of Bryant, Rizzo, Baez, Schwarber, and Contreras. The most lineup flopping he does in the 1 through 5 is flipping Willson and Schwarber. Rossy is making sure his 5 best hitters will get the most PAs on the team, no more of Albert Almora as the Lead-Off hitter. This team ranks top 10 in just about every major offensive category and thats probably where they should be and settle in for the duration of this year.

Ian Happ: He's been so awesome he deserves his own category. He has been the best offensive player on the Cubs this year. After being optioned to AAA last year to begin the year, he came up towards the end of July and played like his hair was on fire. He was one of the best offensive players down the stretch for the Cubs and that has continued this year. He is the Center Fielder and the fact I will rarely ever have to see Albert Almora starting again makes me happy.

THE BAD

Albert Almora: He stinks. The fact Nico Hoerner got a recent start in center over him vs.  a lefty should speak volumes about what David Ross thinks of him at this moment in time.

THE UGLY

The Bullpen: Ohhhhhh boy are they fucking bad some would say, ugly. They are up there with the worst bullpen ERAs in the game. It's a bullpen made up of a very expensive closer who is just been straight up terrible, and then a bunch of random guys that you've never heard of. Rowan Wick has been good after a strong year last year and Jeremy Jeffress has been a pleasant surprise (although his diminished velocity could give cause for concern further down the road). Other than that, it's a bullpen made up of old average veterans that have been as average as ever for forever, and a bunch of young guys that can't seem to figure it out (looking at you Dillon Maples). It's bad. The COVID year also makes it hard to want to deal for big time arm because the season could literally be closed down any day, it's just going to be extremely difficult find value at the trade deadline. Maybe you can grab a rental vet for cash or perhaps make a move for a controllable arm. It's a hard spot but what we know is this group of guys currently just is not getting it done. Despite this, they're still 10-3.

There it is, my (not so) in-depth look at the Chicago Cubs so far in 2020. The Cleveland Indians are on deck Tuesday in what will be the Cubs first game since Thursday since that dumb organization in St. Louis can't get a handle on protocols to make a year happen. Hopefully Zach Plesac got sent home in enough time to not spread COVID around before the Cubs get there.