Cheap, Bullshit Detroit Tigers Announce Plan To Stop Being Shitty

 

Big day for hopeless Tiger fans everywhere. Many fans, including myself, thought that the glory days of getting swept in the playoffs with Cy Young Award Winners David Price, Justin Verlander, Max Scherzer and Anibal Sanchez with Triple Crown Winner Miguel Cabrera and Nick Castellanos, JD Martinez, Ian Kinsler, Torii Hunter, and Victor Martinez in the line up were over. The former first place Tigers are on the outside looking in on their playoff hunt this year, and recently decided to call up future Super stars Casey Mize, Tarik Skubal and Isaac Paredes. 

This is an encouraging sign for a dogshit team to call up their best prospects, because as everyone that's ever played MLB The Show for 13 hours at a time to avoid coming to terms with their parents impending marital separation could tell you, starting the service time clock gets way more expensive. The Tigers have finally decided to return to the glory days of disappointment, World Series losses, and embarrassing sweeps with loaded rosters. No longer will we go 48-114 as the kids are going to be alright. 

Considering how bad the Tigers pitchers have been, their starting pitchers ERA is well above 9 runs, Mize and Skubal will both be monster wins even if they bring total mediocrity. Big Cock Casey Mize and Tarik The Freak have ace starting pitching stuff, and Isaac Paredes is going to be a stud. I personally haven't watched any of them, but I've played the Show a ton, and I'm excited to pretend like I know what's going on. Let's fucking go.