Monday, June 22, 2020

This Bracket Of HBO Shows Has Me Upset Online



    I am officially mad and pissed online. This atrocity came across my time line the other day, and I was incredibly saddened to learn that Rotten Tomatoes is a sham of a website that should be shamed forever. Like any red blooded American between the ages of 24 and 35, HBO taught me a lot of valuable lessons. Lessons such as the difference between softcore and hard core pornography and just how loud a TV has to be to wake sleeping parents. 

Given my nostalgic history with HBO, imagine my surprise when I saw this bracket on Rotten Tomatoes. I was shocked at how genuinely terrible it is nearly from top to bottom. A truly rancid fucking submission into the universe. 

I'm sorry, but who decided to match The Leftovers up with True Detective in ROUND ONE!!!?? The Leftovers is one of the most incredible shows of all time, and deserves better treatment than this. Imagine how dogshit it would be if the NCAA matched up Kentucky and Duke in Round 1 while Eastern Kentucky played Western Carolina in another matchup. The Leftovers gets absolutely screwed due to seeding, and it's unfortunate because The Leftovers is a great show that more people should watch. 

Chernobyl beating both The Sopranos AND True Detective?? That's the most absurd fucking opinion I've ever seen, and I can only surmise that the voting was hacked by Russian operatives trying to regain political power in Ukraine or wherever the fuck Chernobyl is. Don't get me wrong, it's a great series and you should definitely watch it. But it's a mini series, while The Sopranos stacked six INCREDIBLE seasons together, and even if it did squeak by in a miracle, there's literally no explanation for it to beat True Detective. The first season of True Detective might be the single best season in television history, so you can't even argue peak for Chernobyl.

Lets call it what it is: a bunch of douchebag assholes that want to pretend like they understand anything about geopolitical events that want to look smart by saying insane things like "Chernobyl is a better TV show than The Sopranos". Because that can't be a real opinion. Sopranos and True Detective is a very legit argument. If we're going peak, True Detective probably beats it. If we're going overall duration of quality, it's Sopranos. 

The Wire is absolutely better than Westworld, and Game Of Thrones is certainly not HBOs best show. Best shouldn't include caveats. It should be able to stand on its own. And Game Of Thrones has a major MAJOR caveat in the "The Ending Of Our Show Was Fucking Terrible And We're A Laughing Stock Now" department. If your show has a petition calling your writers dogshit and gets 1.5 Million signatures agreeing, you don't get to be the best. Game Of Thrones was incredible, but it blew a 28-3 lead in the Best Show department, and that's a fact.

Everyone associated with putting together this list should be tarred and feathered. Yuck, Fuck Rotten Tomatoes. 




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